Excessive Flip Flop Wearers

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OK, I can recognize that flip flops have their place.  That place, by the way, is called the beach. That said, you still won't find me wearing any, most likely, because I'm not a big fan of the way they feel wedged up between my toes, nor do I enjoy the annoying thwack thwack sound they make when I walk. But I am an understanding individual and I get that other people enjoy wearing flip flops at the beach.

Now, before we get all up-in-arms, I am going to say that there are instances where women wear flip flops that I am not qualified to criticize because I know very little about actual fashion. (But don't worry, I will still criticize women's fashion that annoys me in later posts).  But my nuisance with flip flops is really when guys wear them excessively.

What constitutes excessive, you may ask?  Here are scenarios in which you should not wear flip flops:

• At Work - I kid you not, there are guys that wear flip flops to work in a professional environment.  This is at the same office where I have seen people in slacks and sport coats.  So you go from almost-suit-and-tie to almost-homeless in the same dress code.  And let's be honest, nobody wants to hear you thwack thwack your way down the hall in the middle of their conference call or see your hairy feet while they are trying to swallow their lunch at their desk in the forty-eight free seconds they have in their day.  Wear shoes.  Hopefully with socks.
• With Jeans - OK, my assertion that flip flops are only appropriate at the beach may be a bit of a hardcore pendulum swing in the other direction, but if there's one thing we can agree on, it should be that flip flops are a summertime footwear.  And nothing says summer like hot ankle-length denim.
• To the bar - Because it makes you look like a douche.  "But these are my nice flip flops, I payed $45 for them at Urban Outfitters and they're made of organic hemp."  Read what you just said. Douche.
• Doing yardwork or construction - Honestly, you probably deserve to have a toe chopped off by an errant chainsaw blade or something, and I'm not the king of protective gear, but for Pete's sake, when doing yardwork or construction, particularly with power tools, flip flops are inappropriate footwear.
• Exercising - Flip flops are not cross-trainers, basketball shoes, or cleats.
• To a nice dinner - I have to give credit, this is usually accompanied by other inappropriate attire that would appropriately compliment flip flops (read: jean shorts at a five star white tablecloth restaurant), so it is likely that this offender just lives in a certain realm of beach-casual all the time.  Still, don't ruin my dining experience.
• Anywhere except the beach - (or around the pool).

What's more annoying than people wearing flip flops?  People who call them thongs. Thongs are underwear, people.  You're better than that.